Paris:- Saturday, 27. July 1996:- As I write, the traditional summer 'silly-news' season is about eight days off, so the usual 'serious news season' is still on.

Today's Dave Barry column - 'Just a Guy Named 'Dave'' - which appears in Paris' home-town paper, the International Herald Tribune - from the Miami Herald - is a 'must read.' For those of you familiar with Dave, you know that his specialty is 17-year-old humor and electric guitars, which is, of course, a much inferior version of my own 18-year-old variety of humor - and I do not understand why Dave has many many more 'alert readers' than I do - oh! - not that there are none of you; just a few less than Dave has.

Okay, let's say you don't know Dave Barry. His usual column concerns an 'alert reader' who sends in a local newspaper clipping from Outerboondocks, Nebraska, about 'raining pigs' and Dave puts on his reporter shoes - not the same as 'gumshoes' - and brings the story back dead or alive. But this week's column by Dave is a bit different. Dave has taken a page from Dean Swift to comment about a certain tobacco's company's appropriation of the name 'Dave' for use in a promotion campaign - and the real Dave is obviously angry about it. I can't quote from the column, because to do it justice I would have to copy the whole thing - and I can't afford to annoy the IHT, the Miami Herald or Tribune News Services, Inc., according to my attorney. Instead, I suggest you find and read Dave Barry's column this week.

Paris Is Expensive - Nonsense!

There is a little game going on between Metropole and my other Paris competitor, Le Parisien newspaper. They are short of news as the politicos and 'big hats' have left town, so they have moved over to my 'beat' and we end up covering some of the same stories - sometimes me behind them, sometimes them behind me. Last Sunday, we were both coincidentally in St.Rémy for the Tour de France bike race for example. They were on the scene; I was beside the pool, in front of a TV.

Le Parisien's readers are - you guessed it - Parisians, and Metropole's are anything except Parisian, so, editorially we may look at the same thing -and two different stories come out.

During the week Le Parisien has been talking to café waiters, doormen and various other people in the front line of the personal contact area of the visitor business, and the consensus is that there are fewer visitors, but the main thing is, they are spending less. Granted, these advance troops say this sort of thing every July - but the interesting part this year is about the spending habits, or, of more importance to Metropole readers, the situation about Paris prices. Their bottle is half-empty, and your's is half-full.

Last week I mentioned getting some new shoes in the feature 'Bright Light, Bright City' and that I got 10 percent off the price of the Fall '97 model I choose. I got it because I went in and looked at what they had, but did not buy then and there - only because I did not want to carry them around all day. Last week I went back, ready to carry them - and I looked like a 'faithful' customer, and they handed me this present of a discount - enough to get a small lunch.

Le Parisien's reported complaint is that many visitors are haggling over prices. This is your half-full bottle. People are showing up at hotels, without reservations, and they are bargaining for reductions - of as much as 50 percent off, and getting it. An half-empty hotel makes zero money on an unoccupied room; but the hotel people are getting burned up because some of these hagglers are paying with 'gold' cards on their way out. Apparently visitors are doing this all over town, all over the country, with success - and the canniest hagglers are the Italians and the Spanish. Give it a try; the worst that happens is that they may say, 'No thanks' and point you to the Motel Ratlandia, on the other side of the SNCF tracks.

On the other hand, do not bother to try haggling at Tati - mentioned elsewhere in this issue - the best hagglers in the world do not even try it at Tati. They reckon Tati's prices are wholesale.

Is the Riviera Dead?

In a small item on Thursday, 25. July, the Herald Tribune reported that the Riviera is viewed by French vacationers as too expensive, horribly crowded, and un-friendly. It was the destination of 13 percent of French vacationers 10 years ago; but now the figure is only 9.8 percent. The Bretagne is the new favorite of the French with 16.5 percent, who cited it as more 'authentic,' with more 'charm;' it is also perceived as being better preserved, and has lower prices.

I have tried to find the source of these statistics, without result. I contacted my 'official Riviera reporter' to try and get a rebuttal comment - but he replied via laptop to payphone to Internet, that he is unable to help at the moment because he is on the road in search of 'mellow' in California. I am not sure if this is a confirmation of the little IHT item, or a rebuttal - so I suggest you check it out yourself at http://www.cad.fr/cad/english/news.html"

Since the publication of Peter Mayle's book, 'A Year in Provence' a couple of years ago, there has been a lot of general aller-retour in that region of France. After the book came out, everybody went down there to take advantage of its 'quaint' unspoiledness, thereby spoiling it for those already hiding out there.

The half-full bottle part is, the ones already there sold out at huge profits to the newcomers; and moved themselves on to other, more remote places, still 'quaint' and unspoiled. Meanwhile, the ones that came late find themselves in houses that are 'unquaint' in areas that are not unspoiled; while the pioneers they replaced do not write books about their new locations - because they prize calm over riches. I understand Peter Mayle himself, is now in the remotest and most unspoilt place of all, and writes only fiction.

Brigitte Bardot Poster Explanation

One of Metropole 21's posters of the week featured a message from the Brigitte Bardot Foundation. I shot the poster in a dim métro station, but even so, the message probably was not clear and I forgot to write a note about it.

The lady who 'invented' St. Tropez no longer lives there. So many people came every summer to see her house that she could not get out of her driveway; in fact I have heard that no resident can - and visitors can hardly even get to the place because of clogged roads all summer long.

Mlle. Bardot has long been a hands-on animal-rights activist, and the poster is a reminder to the French, not to abandon their pets when they leave for holidays - to take their 'friends' with them. The posters were up in a good number of métro stations in early July - and it was the first one that I ever saw that actually 'stopped' people dead in their tracks, to look at it.

While Mlle. Bardot's early films, shown on TV, are enjoyed by all, those with guilty consciousness do not appreciate her present full-time activities - because they are usually as effective as the films were - in a different way.