by Ric Erickson

Number 1.31: - Metropole Paris - Monday, 23. September 1996:- The 'Syndicat National des Restauranteurs, Limonadiers, et Hôteliers' which has 2,000 members in the Ile-de-France, is unhappy.

Since 1990 more than 500 bistros, especially in the suburbs, have closed their doors forever. Paris has lost 10 percent of its bars since 1990 as well. This tendency has affected villages first, and is now creeping towards major centres. In smaller places, a couple of bars are near the station, a couple are in the centres of towns, and that's it. In the Ile-de-France, one commune in three is without a bar-bistro-tabac-café.

The professionals in the trade cite various reasons: there are the same number of customers, but they drink less. I find that hard to believe, but I do accept their second argument.

All consumption in a bar-café has value-added tax of 20.6 percent, right on top. When I came here twenty years ago, the standard drink in a bar in Paris was a demi - a quarter-litre glass of beer - and it cost two francs, including voluntary tip. Ditto for a thimble of wine. In fact, all necessities of life cost two francs then. Now, I think maybe ten francs for that little 'demi' is the going rate - I try my math here - isn't that a 500 percent increase? Over 20 years, that is 25 percent more per year.

Another thing that burns the barkeepers up, is the new tendency of boulangeries to offer ready-made sandwiches and booze to take out. They even sell Champagne and horror! Beaujolais Nouveau! But what burns them up most, is the fact that fast-food joints only have a value-added tax of 5.5 percent - and they sell 'food' and beer at prices that the bars can't beat.

This closing of bars is a dangerous trend for society. Just where is a guy expected to go if he has a fight with the wife? Go out and walk around the parking lot, talking to himself? Or stay home and beat her up? If the bars close, where is one to discuss politics, football, sex - all these topics that might not be acceptable at home?

The French used to like being relaxed and I have done my share of getting very relaxed in various surroundings that served food and drink at all times of the day and night - and I always sneered at the idea of the English Closing Hour - I say UK because other parts were more liberal, thus relaxed - but Frenchmen need even more relaxation.

You can see it everywhere. People are uptight. In the village here closing time is 20:00 and when the bar-tabac closes, that's it: no dancing in the streets! Is that what's in store for France? Métro, dodo, boulot and TV?

Ready, Set, Go - the Vendages

While a bunch of guys are running around the countryside with cannons looking for rabbits and trying to avoid Brigette Bardot, another large group of people have turned out en masse to pick grapes. It is the season of the vendages - the grape harvest.

Even as an unrelaxed and uptight non-consumer of the alcoholic products they eventually squeeze out of these fruits - I take a mild interest in the business, even if I am still totally disgusted with the quality of ordinary non-alcoholic grape juice, which I drink at gatherings so that the total alcohlos don't get paranoid - and I think it is far better for the mental heath of society to have wine to drink, rather than those really ikky cola drinks that I liked so much when I was a kid.

The sad truth is, it is hard to get mellow when you are straight. It is downright boring being inside a stone-cold sober head, day after day, year after year. While all around me people are roaring at each other and forgetting that they've told their stories 48 times before, and their also roaring listeners can't remember them either - I can. Seeing people have fun, legally escaping from society, outweighs the nuisance of the repetitions. What I want to know is, how exactly do they remember these stories in the first place? Are they burned into their 'read-only-memories' at birth?

A few facts, for anybody still awake: A bumper crop of 58 million hectolitres is expected to be harvested this season from 888,000 hectares of wineyards. 'AOC' wines and superior quality wines will account for 24 million hectolitres, 22 million for table wines - plonk - and 12 million will be fortified to produce cognac and amagnac.

And now the quality forecast: spring was cold and rainy, productive regions were well watered until July, but if August is the month that counts, then it was good for the grape. But it was unstable and not very hot - so the wise guys are counting on 'Indian summer' stretching out a bit to make up for the deficiencies of August. Conclusion: don't expect anything special from this year's crop.

Jean Reno Marries Nathalie

France's big-nosed, nearly bald actor with the small month, Jean Reno, 48, married Nathalie. This has probably made their son, Tom, quite happy as it now seems that he will have a last name as will his mother. Mr. Reno is the well-known star of several films: 'Les Visiteurs,' 'Grand Bleu,' 'Nikita' and 'Léon.' 'Les Visiteurs' was a big success in France, with over 14 million tickets sold, and 'Les Visiteurs 2' is in pre-production. The video cassette of the first version has just choked my video machine to death, but I quite like Mr. Reno as an actor - if he is, in fact, acting in the movies of his I've seen.

Some Events

Exposition: Icones du Liban Part of the Fêtes du Automne du 5e Arrondissement. Until 20. October, every day from 11:00 to 17:45. Centre d'Animation Arras, 48, rue du Cardinal-Lemoine, Paris 5. Tel.: 43 29 21 75.

Exposition: Le Temps des Clippers Discover the clipper ships, their shipyards, their techniques and how they were constructed. From Wednesday, 25. September until 18. November, from 10:00 to 18:00 daily except Tuesdays. Musée de la Marine, Palais du Chaillot. Place du Trocadéro, Paris 16. Tel.: 45 53 31 70.

Bistrots en Fête Animations; blues, folk, jazz, country bands; rock groups, folklore, accordions and talk - at all the participating bistrots in Paris and throughout France. From Thursday, 26. September until 28. September. No entry charges. Pay for your own drinks; read comment above about bistros. For more information, phone 48 00 94 26.

Still Playing: 'Tango Pasion'

Theatre des Champs-Elysées, 15. Avenue Montaigne, Paris 8. Métro Alma-Marceau. Daily - except Thursdays, 19 and 26 September - at 20:30; Saturdays also at 15:00. On until 28. September. 60 to 290 francs. For reservations, phone 49 52 50 50.

18th Bi-annual International Antiques Fair

Until Sunday, 29 September; at the Carrousel du Louvre - including rare books and jewelry. From 12:00 to 21:00 daily, 12:00 to 23:00 Mondays and Wednesdays. 99, rue de Rivoli, Paris 1. Information at 47 20 31 87.

Classical Stuff

The 'Festival d'Ile de France' started on 8. September and runs through to Sunday, 20. October. This is an annual festival that takes place throughout the Ile-de-France and features a series of classical concerts, performed in various interesting monuments in the region. The advance program I have indicates that most events are on Fridays and the weekends - for precise information phone 44 94 28 50 or fax to (33-1) 44 94 28 58.