Paris:- Saturday, 5. October 1996:- I have my clock radio tuned to 'France Info' in the mornings. It is strident, it is loud and early in the morning, the news is lousy and it is read very fast. Every morning there is the 'bomb score' for Corsica - what was blown up the day or evening before. These reports are so normal, they don't even make the 'Fait Divers' in the papers along with the bank stickups and corruption trials.

I have a local 'Corsica Expert,' and someday I will ask him to explain how daily bombings have managed to become so banal on the island. Targets usually police stations, that are pulverized, or tax collector's offices that are vaporized.

All Points Alert: Internet Drugs For Sale

Yesterday, right after the morning's 'Corsica Bomb Score,' France Info's following report told the world that 'Medicines Sold in France Only by Prescription, Can be Freely Bought Over the Internet.' I headed into the shower, thinking, 'So what?' but when I came out, the story was in its re-run phase and I heard the end, 'LSD and Haschisch can be ordered from...' and I didn't hear the rest for some reason.

But I can fill in the blanks. There are cafés in Holland that sell marijuana over the counter and these cafés have licenses to operate, and sell food and drink as well. In order not to import anything illegal - and at the same time, economically discourage drug dealers - the clever Dutch have found out how to grow pot in greenhouses right in their own country. Now, as everybody knows, the Dutch have been traders for as long as nearly anybody - so there is some energetic guy selling weed by mail-order too.

This guy, he annoys France. To France, cannabis is very bad stuff - especially since Nancy Reagan told everybody to just say 'no' to it. It has become - Red Alert! - a state affair of the highest order. The French President says the Dutch are out of order, and the Dutch say, 'nah-nah, we have fewer junkies, pushers and people in jail, plus we tax it and make money.' And the Dutch lady health minister goes on TV to say she tried it and didn't get off; but was not annoyed about being burned.

Yesterday morning's radio 'Red Alert!' must have something to do with the guy who sells junk by mail - the Dutch are having fun with the Internet, and if this guy has a secure Web site, I guess the French have found out by accident. Or on purpose; it's another way to demonize the Net.

Since Europe's borders became more or less open, the customs people have been looking for new justifications for existing and they have been making a good thing of catching 'mules' on the Amsterdam-Paris trains and autoroutes. They don't quite know what to do about La Poste delivering packages right to the customer's mailbox though.

Actress Gets 20,000-franc Fine for Dope Bust

For those of you who noticed the nervy, blind, taxi bird with the big mouth in the Paris segment of Jim Jarmusch's 'Night On Earth,' there is good news. Béatrice Dalle has just gotten off with a 20,000-franc fine for using 'stupifiants' and the conviction is not even going to be noted in her criminal record, which was extremely accommodating of the court. Mlle. Dalle can therefore return to film work in the USA and I, for one, eagerly await her next, no doubt, stunning appearance.

This is only half the story. Of the two guys nabbed in the same affair, one got 30 months and the other six months in the cooler, and their lawyer had some grumbles about this. Their fate, in fact, was completely normal for this sort of affair in France.

You might be interested to know that everybody living in France has a criminal record. When you apply for a Residence Permit, for example; you have to send away for the record and it becomes part of your application. Aside from buying a postal stamp and waiting a week, this is no big deal - as most of these documents - the 'casier judiciaire' - come back blank.

More Crime - 10-franc Pieces Made in Italy

When you see all those fake gold and steel Rolex watches around, you will have an idea of how much easier it is to make a two-tone French 10-franc piece. Italian cops have just taken apart a coin factory near Turin after French cops picked up a guy with 6,000 examples. Ten other people were subsequently arrested and it is said that the traffic was only interrupted after several months of operation.