Glasgow's 'Mars Bars' Problem

photo: la corona bar window

La Corona's Chistmas decor goes up as soon as the
Beaujolais Nouveau runs out.

News About the 'Café Metropole Club'

Paris:- Saturday, 11. December 1999:- Last week's club meeting was on Thursday, which seems like only a couple of days ago. Since it was, in fact, only a couple of days ago I am starting to forget to remember what this column is supposed to be about.

As I glance over last week's contents all I see is close to gibberish, so this must be the club's own public relation's column.

At one time in the distant past, I applied for a job as a PR agent. I did not get it because I did not 'get it.' I didn't know what publicity was, let alone free publicity.

Since I am 'Ed' of this publication, I'm not sure the content of this column is true PR because I'm writing it myself and agreeing to publish it. One thing we can be sure of, it is 'free' because I'm not paying me to do it or to publish it.

This introduction makes it perfectly clear what this is about, so this is where I am supposed to mention last Thursday's weather. The reason for doing this is your fascination with the weather in Paris, even if it is 48 hours old.

People write to ask me about what the weather will be in March and April of 2000. I usually don't have last Thursday's club meeting so firm in my memory, but now I do I can say that the weather for next March and April will be like last Thursday's.

Take Thursday, 23. March 2000 for example. This will be the day of your club's 24th meeting, unless I go on a little holiday in January to Maidenhead, which is somewhere to the west of Heathrow.

I have been informed there are 'good pubs' in the vicinity. 'Good pubs' are places where 'good chaps' play darts for drinks, and the last one struck with one has to buy the next round.

I have managed not to visit the UK - pronounced 'uk' - since 1979, I don't play darts because I am a clumsy darter - I would have to pay for all of the rounds - and I don't think they have any concentrated 'speed' coffee there.

Now that I've spelled it all out, I rather think I should go to Tenerife instead. But this is so far outphoto: m ferrat, linda, kathleen of the question that the 24th meeting of the Café Metropole Club will most likely be on Thursday, 23. March 2000 after all. The weather will be the same as last Thursday's, but it will be warmer.

Monsieur Ferrat and La Corona's other waiters take good care of club members - here, Linda Thalman and Kathleen Bouvier.

Luckily, at last Thursday's club meeting, a new charter member transformed himself from 'virtual' to real by arriving nearly directly from Glasgow, Scotland. This happened just as the other members were about to vote for Eugene, Oregon as the club's official 'city of the week.'

The presence of David Leslie increased the club's membership of doctors to at least three, even if I am counting a Dr. Dr. Prof. who did not show up on account of a viral cure using several canettes of Bavaria's famed 'Eku' beverage; thus remaining a 'virtual' member.

I think doctors must lead stressful lives because about half the club's members seem to fall into this class of people. David is our first medical version of a doctor and the rest of the members who were present were pleased to hear that his patients chipped in so he could come to Paris to become real.

I am beginning to suspect that doctors, medical or not, are fascinated by Paris and France because you can have your foie gras here and eat it too.

With the punitive tax situation still affecting Roquefort cheese in the United States, I expect Airbus-loads of doctors to be showing up shortly, to bulk up on foie gras and 60 percent-fat cheeses. France has plenty of both to spare.

For people who are not in a financial situation to be able to consume 'nobel' animal fats, the server-lady Linda Thalman showed us a remarkable substitute, prepared by La Corona's chef in person - a French hot dog.

This is pronounced ''ot dogh' in case you want one in Paris too. One of these is as about as filling as an onion soup even if it is a bit unhandy to eat on account of its size.

David Leslie said that Glasgow is known as the 'heart-attack' capital of Europe; adding that a favorite food staple there is deep-fried Mars bars.

I do not intend to pass on this valuable information to La Corona's management. The café already has more than enough dangerously health-threatening items of French food on its bill of fare.

Dana Shaw did toss a brick through a window by boldly stating that the 'Cador' pâtissier-chocolatier - two doors away from La Corona, but with the same address - has the best 'croque-monsieurs' in Paris, which means 'in the world.'

If you want to dispute this, or if you want to know how 'café noisette' became the 'word of the week,' you should read the unofficial and unauthorized account of last Thursday's weekly 'Club' meeting - in case you haven't already read it. Hit the hyperlink to see what happened.

The Café Metropole Club Membership Card

For those of you reading this page for the first time, let me point out that the possession of the membership card is so unobligatory, I don't know why I even mention it. For those of you who have read this page before, forget it.

However, the actual card, as reproduced here, potentially contains millions of vibrant colors; far more than any standard computer system set of only 256 dull and boring colors.

Printing it in black and white is therefore highly unrecommended. In mere black and white, it looks like some scrap ripped out of an out-of-register brochure for sunny, beachside holidays in Maidenhead.

For 'virtual' or real Café Metropole Club members who have come in late you will note that this is a 'virtual' membership card. If you want tophoto: virtual membership card carry one around with you - perhaps to prove that you belong to an exclusive* club in Paris - you will have to make a print of it; in full color, if possible.

*'Exclusive' in this sense means that it is the only Café Metropole Club in Paris that accepts anybody as members, and their pets if they are birds. People from other planets or star systems are requested to not use the card. If you have not had actual contacts with such people, there is no need to mention it.

The Whole History of the Café Metropole Club

With its ninth meeting behind it, the 'Whole History' of the Café Metropole Club has gotten to an almost mythic length, much too long to repeat. It is therefore, hereby, suppressed. Older versions of its 'History' do remain online, somewhere in ' All Past Issues.'

The Café Metropole Club Is Good-Value For You

The 'Club' is outstanding value for what it costs but it has no actual real or virtual benefits, except for being free. Its sole purpose is to offer an opportunity for the readers of Metropole to meet its 'Ed' at its weekly meetings - or see him reading the paper if you choose not to attend. This has not happened almost once.

The club's meetings are held in the centrally-located café La Corona. This café has drink, tobacco products, post-cards and food, which includes French-style hot dogs. Other than warning you about how big one of these may be when served, I only wish to add that La Corona does not have any deep-fried Mars bars on its menu, with or without chlorpromazine.

'Virtual' membership is not only permitted, but encouraged - no one is excluded from membership by failure to be in Paris. Possession of the now somewhat aged but still colorful 'virtual' membership card is not obligatory if you do not have color printer.

For some weeks now I have been saying that the reading the club's online magazine, 'Metropole Paris' is not necessary, as some members have proved.

This non-policy has changed to one that is much more positive. Be darn sure to read Metropole next Thursday for the latest news of the club's latest meeting. If you are having a relaxing siesta then, wake up!

Practical Information

photo: location map, la coronaHere are the day, time and location details for you to note:

Café-Tabac La Corona
2. Rue de l'Amiral Coligny
Paris 1. Métro: Louvre-Rivoli or Pont-Neuf
Every Thursday at 15:00, until 17:00.

La Corona has a small 'salle' beside the bar and a large 'salle' behind the bar. There is a small terrace on the Rue de l'Amiral Coligny side, which faces west; and a big terrace on the Quai de Louvre side, which faces south. The club meetings are held at the far end of the big 'salle,' where there is little danger of falling in the Seine.

When you enter the bar area of La Corona you will not immediately see any club activity. To find it, go around the left side of the bar; away from the 'tabac' section of the café and into the big room behind.

If you are unfamiliar with bars, La Corona's has a zinc top and has beer handles sticking up from it like antlers. Near the cash register, you might see a little wire stand holding hard-boiled eggs. Go left past the eggs and turn right to find the 'club.'

If all else fails, simply ask anybody standing behind the bar - in any language that suits you - 'Où est le club, s'il vous plaît?' ['Club' is pronounced 'cloob.']

See you soon - A bientôt à Paris,
signature, regards, ric

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contents to: Ric Erickson, Editor.
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