Glasgow's 'Mars Bars' Problem

photo: la corona bar window

La Corona's Chistmas decor goes up as soon as the
Beaujolais Nouveau runs out.

News About the 'Café Metropole Club'

Paris:- Saturday, 11. December 1999:- Last week's club meeting was on Thursday, which seems like only a couple of days ago. Since it was, in fact, only a couple of days ago I am starting to forget to remember what this column is supposed to be about.

As I glance over last week's contents all I see is close to gibberish, so this must be the club's own public relation's column.

At one time in the distant past, I applied for a job as a PR agent. I did not get it because I did not 'get it.' I didn't know what publicity was, let alone free publicity.

Since I am 'Ed' of this publication, I'm not sure the content of this column is true PR because I'm writing it myself and agreeing to publish it. One thing we can be sure of, it is 'free' because I'm not paying me to do it or to publish it.

This introduction makes it perfectly clear what this is about, so this is where I am supposed to mention last Thursday's weather. The reason for doing this is your fascination with the weather in Paris, even if it is 48 hours old.

People write to ask me about what the weather will be in March and April of 2000. I usually don't have last Thursday's club meeting so firm in my memory, but now I do I can say that the weather for next March and April will be like last Thursday's.

Take Thursday, 23. March 2000 for example. This will be the day of your club's 24th meeting, unless I go on a little holiday in January to Maidenhead, which is somewhere to the west of Heathrow.

I have been informed there are 'good pubs' in the vicinity. 'Good pubs' are places where 'good chaps' play darts for drinks, and the last one struck with one has to buy the next round.

I have managed not to visit the UK - pronounced 'uk' - since 1979, I don't play darts because I am a clumsy darter - I would have to pay for all of the rounds - and I don't think they have any concentrated 'speed' coffee there.

Now that I've spelled it all out, I rather think I should go to Tenerife instead. But this is so far outphoto: m ferrat, linda, kathleen of the question that the 24th meeting of the Café Metropole Club will most likely be on Thursday, 23. March 2000 after all. The weather will be the same as last Thursday's, but it will be warmer.

Monsieur Ferrat and La Corona's other waiters take good care of club members - here, Linda Thalman and Kathleen Bouvier.

Luckily, at last Thursday's club meeting, a new charter member transformed himself from 'virtual' to real by arriving nearly directly from Glasgow, Scotland. This happened just as the other members were about to vote for Eugene, Oregon as the club's official 'city of the week.'

The presence of David Leslie increased the club's membership of doctors to at least three, even if I am counting a Dr. Dr. Prof. who did not show up on account of a viral cure using several canettes of Bavaria's famed 'Eku' beverage; thus remaining a 'virtual' member.

I think doctors must lead stressful lives because about half the club's members seem to fall into this class of people. David is our first medical version of a doctor and the rest of the members who were present were pleased to hear that his patients chipped in so he could come to Paris to become real.

I am beginning to suspect that doctors, medical or not, are fascinated by Paris and France because you can have your foie gras here and eat it too.

With the punitive tax situation still affecting Roquefort cheese in the United States, I expect Airbus-loads of doctors to be showing up shortly, to bulk up on foie gras and 60 percent-fat cheeses. France has plenty of both to spare.

For people who are not in a financial situation to be able to consume 'nobel' animal fats, the server-lady Linda Thalman showed us a remarkable substitute, prepared by La Corona's chef in person - a French hot dog.

This is pronounced ''ot dogh' in case you want one in Paris too. One of these is as about as filling as an onion soup even if it is a bit unhandy to eat on account of its size.

David Leslie said that Glasgow is known as the 'heart-attack' capital of Europe; adding that a favorite food staple there is deep-fried Mars bars.

I do not intend to pass on this valuable information to La Corona's management. The café already has more than enough dangerously health-threatening items of French food on its bill of fare.

Dana Shaw did toss a brick through a window by boldly stating that the 'Cador' pâtissier-chocolatier - two doors away from La Corona, but with the same address - has the best 'croque-monsieurs' in aris, which means 'in the world.'


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