Directions To Your Club

photo: rain on quay outside cafe

One reason for joining the club is to get in out of the rain.

News About the 'Café Metropole Club'

Paris:- Saturday, 1. January 2000:- Last week I moved the dateline back to Friday because I didn't want you to think I was writing this on Christmas Day. You can do anything you want on New Year's Day - if you can do anything - so I am taking advantage of this.

Although this column is pure PR puffery for our little club in Paris it seems to be almost as popular as the club itself or its reports, because nobody has written to tell me to 'cut it out.'

Last Thursday some 'virtual' members came to the club at the appointed time and transformed themselves into 'real' members. There is nothing second-class about being a 'virtual' member, but if you do happen to be in Paris on a Thursday at 15:00, becoming a 'real' member of the Café Metropole Club is surprisingly easy.

First off the club's meetings are held in Paris. In this sense, it is the number-one Paris - not any of the other ones. Should you be in doubt, if the Paris you are in has no Tour Eiffel, then it is not the correct Paris.

In this sense, Las Vegas does not count, because it's Eiffel Tower is merely a replica; one that is much smaller thanphoto: new camera, kritz the original. There are members of the Café Metropole Club in Las Vegas and they will confirm that the real Tour Eiffel is not there if you ask them.

Let's say you are actually in the real Paris. Then what you do is take the métro line one to the Louvre-Rivoli station and get off the métro train and get out of the station.

Last Thursday, Mark Kritz was trying to get the film out of his camera.

This is not difficult because there is only one exit and this is why I picked it. If you confuse it with the Palais-Royal-Musée-du-Louvre station, you will immediately realize you've made a serious mistake, because this other station is very complicated and has dozens of exits as well as a mall.

A word of caution about leaving the Louvre-Rivoli station - if you've got the right one - when you turn in the hall by the ticket window to go up the stairs, you may be faced with a big blast of wind blowing into the station. If this is the case, hold on to your hat tightly.

Also be prepared to sidestep people entering the station. For some reason, people tend to come down the stairs any which-old-way. They don't keep to the right or left - not many Parisians do - but this particular station is afflicted with totally random entrees. Hold your hat and keep your eyes open.

At the top of the stairs, if you've managed to keep to the right without being pushed back into the station, turn sharply to your right. Being on the other side and turning sharply to your left is not recommended.

After you've turned right, elbow your way past the people who may be milling around the narrow area in front of the newspaper kiosk. I don't know why people are always 'milling around' here, but it is probably on account of this neither-right-nor-left business so favored by Parisians.

Once past the kiosk, the way is relatively clear. Without taking your eyes off where you are going, give the church on your left a glance. Don't waste time looking at the Louvre over on the right, because it is its most boring part.

After you've passed the church, be careful crossing the little street and go past the cake shop. Continue on to the corner where all the insane traffic is roaring eastwards along the Quai du Louvre.

Now go back seven steps. Turn left, and you are in front of the café La Corona's doorway. Let go of your hat, open the door and go in.

Do not turn to the right or left. Go straight past the edge of the bar, on your right, and after passing it turn slightly to the right, and you are in La Corona's 'grande salle.'

Go to its far end. If it is Thursday and 15:00, you have well and truly arrived at the Café Metropole Club.

What Happened During the Club's Last Meeting?

If you want to know how Toronto got to be 'City of the Week' last Thursday, you should read the unauthorized and unofficial account of last Thursday's weekly Club meeting - in case you haven't already read it. Hit the hyperlink to see what happened.

If you don't care about Toronto, you can read one of the other features in last week's edition of Metropole instead. Nobody will care except everybody in Toronto.

The Café Metropole Club Membership Card

For those of you reading this page for the first time, let me point out that the possession of the membership card is not at all obligatory. For those of you who have read this page 13 times, do not accept substitutes.

However, the actual 'virtual' card, as reproduced here for the dozenth plus oneth time, potentially contains millions of techno day-glo colors; far more than any standard computer system palette of only 256 dull and insipid RGB colors.

Printing it merely in black and white is therefore highly unadvised. In black and white, itphoto: virtual membership card looks like some flyer for X-video rentals or a frozen pizza-takeout franchise.

For 'virtual' or real Café Metropole Club members who have not managed to show up before now you will note that this is a 'virtual' membership card, which I have already mentioned several times more than once, above.

If you want to carry one around with you - perhaps to prove that you belong to an exclusive* club in Paris - you will have to make a print of it; in any color other than black. Using white ink to print it on white paper is not a good idea.

*'Exclusive' in this sense means that it is the only Café Metropole Club in Paris that accepts people as members. 'Virtual' persons from other online magazines' clubs are requested to not use the card. If you have had actual contacts with such people, snitch them off to the Exterior Ministry as being 'virtual' aliens.

The Whole History of the Café Metropole Club

With its 12th meeting behind it, the 'Whole History' of the Café Metropole Club has been abolished. Ancient versions of its 'History' do remain online, somewhere in ' All Past Issues,' where they are now covered with 1900-year old silt.

The Café Metropole Club Is Good-Value For You

Your 'Club' is a truly astonishing value for what it costs even though it has no actual real, pretended or 'virtual' benefits, except for being free.

Its single purpose is to offer an opportunity for the readers of Metropole to meet its 'Ed' and each other at its weekly meetings - or see him wondering whether to tie his shoelaces if you decide to just peek in the window of the club's café.

Impractical Information

The club's meetings are held - how to get to it is above, its address is below.

'Virtual' membership is not only permitted, but encouraged - no one is excluded from membership by failure to be in Paris. Possession of the now somewhat antique but still colorful 'virtual' membership card is not obligatory if your color printer has run out of ink of any color.

For some weeks now I have been saying that the reading the club's online magazine, 'Metropole Paris' is not necessary.

This anti-semi-policy has changed to one that is very much more positive. Be darn sure to read every page of Metropole every Monday and especially next Thursday for the latest news of the club's latest meeting. If you are having a relaxing siesta at the moment, set your alarm clock to Thursday now before you fall asleep.

photo: location map, la coronaPractical Information

Here are the day, time and location details for you to note:

Café-Tabac La Corona
2. Rue de l'Amiral Coligny
Paris 1. Métro: Louvre-Rivoli or Pont-Neuf
Every Thursday at 15:00, until 17:00.

La Corona has a small 'salle' beside the bar and a large 'salle' behind the bar. There is a small terrace on the Rue de l'Amiral Coligny side, which faces west; and a big terrace on the Quai de Louvre side, which faces south. The Club does not have its meetings in either 'small' part.

The club's meetings are held at the far end of the big 'salle,' where there is little danger of being run over by the traffic on the Quai du Louvre.

If you are unfamiliar with cafés, bars or ginmills, La Corona's has a zinc top and a sleek espresso machine with 16 nozzles. Near the cash register, you will not see a little wire stand holding hard-boiled eggs. This object has been pinched by unknown persons. Go left past where the egg thing used to be and turn right to find the 'club.'

If this no-fault scheme fails, simply ask anybody standing behind the bar - in any language that suits you - 'Où est le club, s'il vous plaît?' ['Club' is pronounced 'cloob.']

See you soon - A bientôt à Paris,
signature, regards, ric

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contents to: Ric Erickson, Editor.
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