Some Remote Places

Here and There

Paris:– Thursday, 11. August 2005:– As is more or less usual the weather prediction done on Monday for today was off the mark by more than six degrees of connection. Practically the only detail that was correct was the sunrise at 06:39, which I did not actually forecast because I was pretty sure it would happen some time between six and seven.

After giving it a bit of time to get settled in the heavens I was disappointed not to see the sun. Instead it chose to rain at 13:00, for about five minutes. Then the sky staggered around before the clouds separated enough for beams to hit the earth, and the temperature crawled up to 27 degrees – somewhat more than forecast.

This evening, keeping in mind my miserable 0.13 percent batting average, I venture a new forecast, based on tonight's TV–weather news from both France–2 and Arte. This forecast is based on 'average–guesswork,' or the combined strength of two networks of weather gurus.

With no reference to highs or lows, to winds or barometres, the word is that Friday will be cloudy in the morning and semi–sunny in the afternoon. It might be a lot sunny on the afternoon but the prediction was a bit blurry. The low tonight will be 13 or 15 and the high tomorrow will be 23 or 24 degrees.

You can use this forecast for Saturday too, except that there might be fewer or thinner clouds, and the sunshine might be a little stronger or brighter, more assertive. Count on a high of 24 degrees.

Sunday is expected to be more cloudy than Saturday and maybe just as cloudy as Friday might be, and the temperature may reflect this by being no more than 22 degrees. A flip–side is expected for Monday when it will be as sunny as Saturday and the temperature will be right up there again, at 24 degrees. Actually I think if the sun gets a chance the temperatures will sneak up to 27, but I do not want to come right out and say this will happen in case it flubs again and leaves egg yolk on my best tie.

Another flub I did not want to make was forgetting to get a paper on the way to the club so I bought Le Parisien at a kiosque on the Boulevard Saint–Germain after leaving the Métro at Odéon, which I had to carry the whole rest of the way. With this snappy beginning I am confident that I can skip the usual senseless blah–blah about passing the cemetery and riding the Métro.

The result is that after leaving late I arrive at the club's café early. There are a lot of loungers on the café's terraces and many people are in the 'grande salle' finishing their lunches, which I suspect consisted entirely of burnt toast. It's what it stinks like.

Luckily the windows in the club's area are open again, for the second time in the whole history of the club meetings. But rather than breathe deeply I enter the meeting statistics in the club's booklets. Then, not seeing any club members present, I begin to read the paper by squinting at it, holding it up to the light, closer and further away.

Headlines are easy. '12 millions de Français au régime sec' Le Parisien's front page says. It means that 12 million French people are standing in line for free bottled water in the drought areas and the other 49 million are standing around outside the drought areas laughing at them, with their heads under the cold water tap.

Obviously that's an exaggeration. True that there is a drought, true that it might be as severe as the one in 1976, and it's true that some farmers have been told not to water their corn and grow sunflowers instead, but according to the map in Le Parisien the whole country isn't colored red for total lack of water. Not yet.

In fact half the country has no water restrictions at all. It's not anybody's fault that many of the places that the French go on holidays have water shortages. But take Corsica – it has no water restrictions. It's a fine place too!

Meanwhile it is the silly season back here. The Chinese have made so many pairs of jeans and pullovers that French importers have reached the European import quota and are trying to make us think that there will be shortages of these vital clothing items for the return–to–school. No mention is made of the non–Chinese manufacturers who shipped these same items last year. I suppose they've all retired to Ibiza.

As you've probably guessed by now there are no new members or other club members to make me waste time writing notes about the 'City of the Week' or the 'Cocktail of the Week.' I read that Paris is one big building site and motorists are ready to commit something silly rather than subject themselves to another traffic jam. They are in for a surprise. Bonne chance, Jacques!

Squinting is giving me a headache and when I look up I am rewarded by the vision of member Heather Stimmler–Hall salaaming through the café, waving 'hello' from afar, a delightful sight for sore eyes, indeed!

Heather says that she was in the United States for a couple of weeks, a part spent riding a bus from Boston to her 'little' brother's wedding in Indiana. She says it was some place so remote that it would have taken three airlines to get there, while the bus only took 26 hours, partly because it broke down in some place I don't remember. It was better than the time she got stuck in a snow drift in North Dakota.