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Secretary Twiddles

photo, secretary of the week

'Secretary of the Week,' reading comics, without moving lips.

While Waiter Burns

Paris:– Thursday, 10. November 2005:– The weather is taking a beating on the evening TV–news. There is too much news and nothing much is happening in the sky so the weather gets shortchanged, leaving fishermen, farmers and your club's secretary, in the lurch – which is like, the outside of an offside elbow – nowhere, empty–handed.

But, for you, readers, club members, Romans and fellow–travellers, I screwed up my eyes to fast speed and managed to capture a hint of what the sky, in the near future, has in store for us, here in downtown Paris.

Not only are today's maps liberally scribbled, Le Parisien neglected to make them in color. Appropriate then, for a cloudy and gray begin to Friday, gliding into a afternoon perhaps somewhat brighter, especially as we need not concern ourselves with winds wanging up the Channel at 60 kph. The high will remain steady at 13 degrees, which will be right on the button for here, now.

On Saturday the maps tonightphoto, cafe, weather condition didn't look too benign, with a huge swath of crumbly clouds reaching across the country from Amsterdam to Andorra. Unlike regular clouds these are expected to be very cloudy and under them we may have not more than 11 degrees of warmth.

Today's weather outside café.

Sunday, although I didn't actually see the entire details, is supposed to be not quite so cloudy, but with the same sort of cover as Saturday, north to south, like a big snake wearing a wooly sheepskin. Do not worry. If you happen to look up it will look like wool, not a snake, and besides the high is supposed to be 12 degrees, which will have us dancing in the streets if it is still legal.

The 'Nothing To Report' Report of the Week

Rather than write a load of nonsense here before letting you know that no members were at today's meeting, right at the beginning I will say that there were no members present for today's meeting so you can skip the rest of this, which is going to be short anyway on account of there being no members at today's meeting for a reason as yet to be determined.

However, before I – the club's self–appointed secretary – found this out, I put on my clothes and gathered up the club tools, and winged out the door, down the stairs, out of the building and loped down the sidewalk, eventually passing the piles of dead leaves piled up against the walls of the cemetery, before diving into the hole in the ground called Raspail.

The Métro train came along within a minute, and, all–in–all, I arrived at the club with lots of time to spare. Or I would have if the weather hadn't been so mild, which caused me to lark about on the Pont Neuf, counting the paving stones, and being breathing in the air.

At the club's café the 'grande salle' was pretty full, with about a dozen diners having a tardy lunch or an early souper, and some of them were doing it in the club's own area. I ignored them.

The 'Waiter of the Week' showed up with amazing dispatch and gave me a lecture about not orderingphoto, quai du louvre anything. "You didn't order anything last time, and you promised," he said accusingly. "You took up all the space, preventing paying customers from giving me lots of tips," he almost added.

Life, in the form of cars, trucks, buses, police vans, cycles and scooters, passes by.

I don't keep track of these 'Waiters of the Week,' because other than the café's regular ones, these jokers come from 'waiter central' and have no idea of how many members of the club have left generous tips of legal tender coins, weighing no doubt, hundreds of kilos.

Pretty soon I am reading the latest in the ongoing Sarkozy saga and about tranquil nights in Essonne, plus other faits divers of a diverse nature, such as a story with no facts about how Paris is reassuring tourists. Without saying a word about possible curfews here, it says we are not drenched in 'fire and blood.' In true fact, it is not even raining.

In fact hard facts are hard to come by. If the city is peaceful, just how many want to watch scenes of traffic lights changing color and parking ticket ladies sticking tickets on cars that aren't burning, on the nightly TV–news?

What about hot news images of teenagers going home from school, and their moms lugging around heavy bags after shopping? Of the thrill of the week – the portable phone users unconsciously blocking the Métro sorties?

By 16:10 I have had all of the paper I can stand and I see that it has gotten cloudy outside. All the diners have left the salle so I signal the waiter to bring me a 'Café of the Week,' which he does without being unduly surly.

Then I twiddle my fingers, thinking of this 'report.' Tomorrow is a holiday I would have told attending members, if there were any. It is 'Armistice,' in memory of 1918, and I supposephoto, messy table of the week there will be a ceremony at the Etoile, at the Eternal Flame beneath the Arc de Triomphe. Be there at 11:00 and you may see France's president, Jacques Chirac.

No members to see total disorganization of the club secretary.

Gradually it becomes 17:00 and I gather myself together and find the 'Waiter of the Week' holding up a wall and hand over a ransom for the 'Café of the Week' – not because it was so good or he deserving '...of the Week,' but because this waiter many be able to retire on it, and the next new one from 'waiter central' might be lucky, or happy, or maybe, who knows? – from Barcelona.

It you feel that you've been shortchanged by this 'club report,' feel free to read the free news that is being posted daily on the 'News' page.

The Café Metropole Club's About Page

This club meeting 'report,' hacked out with four blunt fingers and one pointy elbow, gives a huge hint about what this is about. To find out true details spend a peek at the 'About the Café Metropole Club' page with its now–classic photos, warbly words and mucho neato membership card. You can join the club too, without even thinking, in any year containing at least one 'Thursday of the Week.' Like the one coming next week rather than this one

When, What, Who, Why Not, Where, How?

Club meetings still begin at 15:00, in the afternoon, on every Thursday, and continue until 17:00, in the western &Euro;uro Time zone, now on its boring journey through autumn to winter. Known in faraway lands as 3 pm to 5 pm, around somewhere else is not where meetings are held. Come to the café La Corona. Do not accept go to the Louvre until after. Bring a friend or two. The folks in the rear of the big room, under the delightful yellow lights, are us.

Attend a meeting – by being at one. Pass a hour or two or a whole meeting with the club's secretary. Real 'firsts' are welcome, with 'real' being equivalent to 'true' even if 'first' is more thangraphic: club location map likely, and if it is an alternate form of reality with any sort of connection to truth, like fake fiction. Attending multiple club meetings is also permitted.

Caution – you may have a personal reason for remaining unfindable via the Web. If so, be sure to inform the club's secretary that you prefer to be '404 – not found' by Web search engines before becoming 'found' in one of these club reports.

The 'ex–rules' that the club once had continue to be former.These discontinued rules may still be accessed if you can find them. You can, in theory, learn that this somewhat real club of minor purpose seldom repeats rules because nobody cares any more, even if missed by very few.

Talking to other club members at meetings is okay rather than optional. There are always dozens of empty chairs, so sit – wherever you like. Standing is okay too. Whatever you say will be truly appreciated by the other members present if there are any listening, and sometimes there are but not always – and if it should chance to be written here.*

*The above paragraphs are relatively unchanged since last week because during today's meeting absolutely nothing happened, not even Willy the Bird, now known as Eva.

The café's location is:

Café–Tabac La Corona
2. Rue de l'Amiral de Coligny – or – 30. Quai du Louvre
Paris 1. Métro: Louvre–Rivoli, Pont–Neuf or Châtelet.
Every Thursday, from 15:00 to 17:00.

A bientôt à Paris
signature, regards, ric

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Send email concerning the
contents to: Ric Erickson, Editor.
Metropole Midi © 2014
– unless stated otherwise.
logo, metropole sml midi logo No matter how good it tastes,
there is no such thing
as a free lunch.
Waldo Bini