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No Grass, No Vodka

photo, nobody of the week, personne de la semaine

How the club looks without 'Members of the Week.'

And Not a Sausage

Paris:– Thursday, 15. December 2005:– Tonight, through a fluke of timing, I got a taste of the weather on Saturday and Sunday before the TV–news, and then it turned out that Friday wasn't worth the 45–minute wait. This isn't quite right because if it comes true the temperature will be extraordinarily high, at 11 degrees.

But this is not all. It will be very gray in the east and almost as bad in the west, as well as kind of windy with hard–charging puffs clanging past at 70 kph from the Channel. So the sky, if it registers any blue patches, will not do it for long or often. As near as I could make out it will be a gloomy day, possibly with bits of rain, and flakes of snow elsewhere.

Then on Saturday with the wind still piling in here, the temperature is headed straight for a cliff. Over it goes, down to 5 degrees, snap! In one day, overnight that is, the temperature will drop to the overnight low and not rise. But the bright side to this will be a semi–sunny day, perhaps even mostly sunny, according to the forecast, which I don't believe for a minute.

Sunday looks like it could be more realistic because no winds are forecast. Not much in the way of warmthphoto, cafe of the week is foreseen, with the day's high expected to be no more than 4 degrees. Again there is a bright side, with a prediction for a day more sunny than Saturday.

'Of the Week' there was only café.

If you want to know, if you want to ask, is this weather typical for Paris in December? I will tell you, straight from all my years of living here – each year has weather that can be surprising, astonishing even, but cloudy days with temperatures around 5 degrees, are as common as white or brown chicken eggs. Especially in December, or November, January and February as well as April May and – well, in every month. In some months, called other seasons, you might notice them less.

The 'Not a Sausage' Report of the Week

From what club members have told me the weather forecast included in every club 'report' is highly appreciated, and some members are rumored to read it faithfully every Thursday but skip the club 'report' itself. You can get away with this because the club has no rules.

This allows a laissez–faire attitude to club life but it isn't something that should be abused, like it has been today – by more than 600 bonafide club members, none of whom bothered to attend today's 320th meeting. Shame on you!

i got up and had a freezing shower at noon and then had a cold breakfast for lunch, while listening to radio France–Info's noonday news at 13:00, and then I gurgled two quick cups of café before racing off to the Métro at Raspail, to ride underground down to Odéon, and smartly walk across the Pont Neuf through the breeze – and then had to sprint over to Rivoli to get a paper because my regular kiosk was closed.

When I arrived at the Corona and entered the 'grande salle' I could count the house with one finger, not countingphoto, reading paper of the week the 'Waiter of the Week' – Patrick – who was polishing spoons in the bar. I have seen the 'grande salle' as empty before, but it is usually at 03:00 in the morning when the place is closed.

Technically there was a mopey 'Secretary of the Week' too, but there always is.

I filled in the particulars for today's 'once–only' meeting. Then nothing happened for five minutes so I picked up the paper and began to read it. Since I always skip the sports news, I finished at 16:00 and there were still no members present.

To make a long story short, no members of any kind showed up before 17:00. Not even Willy the Bird, or 'Eva,' bothered to appear, nor were there any doudous, nounous, or mascots. Not a sausage.

This means that if you've read the weather part, there is no need to read further. The long and short of it is – no club members present means there is no material for a club 'report.' Mind you, I am resourceful, I could write fiction. But this could set a dangerous precedent, perhaps leading to the club becoming 'virtual' like so many other things on the Internet.

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