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No Grass, No Vodka

photo, nobody of the week, personne de la semaine

How the club looks without 'Members of the Week.'

And Not a Sausage

Paris:– Thursday, 15. December 2005:– Tonight, through a fluke of timing, I got a taste of the weather on Saturday and Sunday before the TV–news, and then it turned out that Friday wasn't worth the 45–minute wait. This isn't quite right because if it comes true the temperature will be extraordinarily high, at 11 degrees.

But this is not all. It will be very gray in the east and almost as bad in the west, as well as kind of windy with hard–charging puffs clanging past at 70 kph from the Channel. So the sky, if it registers any blue patches, will not do it for long or often. As near as I could make out it will be a gloomy day, possibly with bits of rain, and flakes of snow elsewhere.

Then on Saturday with the wind still piling in here, the temperature is headed straight for a cliff. Over it goes, down to 5 degrees, snap! In one day, overnight that is, the temperature will drop to the overnight low and not rise. But the bright side to this will be a semi–sunny day, perhaps even mostly sunny, according to the forecast, which I don't believe for a minute.

Sunday looks like it could be more realistic because no winds are forecast. Not much in the way of warmthphoto, cafe of the week is foreseen, with the day's high expected to be no more than 4 degrees. Again there is a bright side, with a prediction for a day more sunny than Saturday.

'Of the Week' there was only café.

If you want to know, if you want to ask, is this weather typical for Paris in December? I will tell you, straight from all my years of living here – each year has weather that can be surprising, astonishing even, but cloudy days with temperatures around 5 degrees, are as common as white or brown chicken eggs. Especially in December, or November, January and February as well as April May and – well, in every month. In some months, called other seasons, you might notice them less.

The 'Not a Sausage' Report of the Week

From what club members have told me the weather forecast included in every club 'report' is highly appreciated, and some members are rumored to read it faithfully every Thursday but skip the club 'report' itself. You can get away with this because the club has no rules.

This allows a laissez–faire attitude to club life but it isn't something that should be abused, like it has been today – by more than 600 bonafide club members, none of whom bothered to attend today's 320th meeting. Shame on you!

i got up and had a freezing shower at noon and then had a cold breakfast for lunch, while listening to radio France–Info's noonday news at 13:00, and then I gurgled two quick cups of café before racing off to the Métro at Raspail, to ride underground down to Odéon, and smartly walk across the Pont Neuf through the breeze – and then had to sprint over to Rivoli to get a paper because my regular kiosk was closed.

When I arrived at the Corona and entered the 'grande salle' I could count the house with one finger, not countingphoto, reading paper of the week the 'Waiter of the Week' – Patrick – who was polishing spoons in the bar. I have seen the 'grande salle' as empty before, but it is usually at 03:00 in the morning when the place is closed.

Technically there was a mopey 'Secretary of the Week' too, but there always is.

I filled in the particulars for today's 'once–only' meeting. Then nothing happened for five minutes so I picked up the paper and began to read it. Since I always skip the sports news, I finished at 16:00 and there were still no members present.

To make a long story short, no members of any kind showed up before 17:00. Not even Willy the Bird, or 'Eva,' bothered to appear, nor were there any doudous, nounous, or mascots. Not a sausage.

This means that if you've read the weather part, there is no need to read further. The long and short of it is – no club members present means there is no material for a club 'report.' Mind you, I am resourceful, I could write fiction. But this could set a dangerous precedent, perhaps leading to the club becoming 'virtual' like so many other things on the Internet.

Rather than go that route here is where I draw the line. This is the end of today's club 'report.' It saddens me that there is no 'City of the Week,' no 'Cocktail of the Week,' no 'Quote of the Week,' no 'Joke of the Week,' no 'Nothing of the Week.' Where's my hanky?

Vacances de Noël

TV–news mentioned tonight that kids' school holidays start tomorrow, while my calendar indicates that it is Monday. Kids' parents do not necessarily have holidays so there will be some kids around, touring museums and so on. But there are special events for kids, like circuses, and many of these will be operating full–time until January. If you like circuses, there are a lot of them scheduled for this season.

Grand Palais

Besides the merry–go–roundsphoto, quai du louvre of the week in every arrondissement, this year Paris has three big ferris wheels. One is located at the Place de la Concorde and the other two are nearby, inside the Grand Palais. This year, in addition to the two important art exhibitions in the Grand Palais, the big part is full of sideshow rides, 20 in all, plus the two wheels, and a circus. Entry costs 5€, the doors are open from 14:00 daily, except Friday, 24. December and Saturday, 31. December. The show continues until Monday, 2. January. Photo: The ever–present 'Traffic of the Week.'

Golden Chicken

In France where a king once told all the citizens – 500 years ago – that they should have a chicken in every pot, it is the season to feast on tasty birds, regardless of threatening epidemics. In fact bird growers are having beauty contests for their chickens right now and a chicken that looks good is a chicken, duck, goose, or turkey, that tastes good. The Cadillac of chickens is the capon. They are raised in the open air, fed good grains, and have wiggled their chicken toes in good dirt.

The Café Metropole Club's About Page

This miserable club meeting 'report,' including next to nothing about not much, may leave you perplexed. True facts behind the mystery are illuminated on the 'About the Café Metropole Club' page with its rustical photos, puerile prose and farrago of a membership card made of waste paper not suitable for recyclage. You can join the club in any year containing at least one unused 'Thursdays of the Week' left in December.

Where, Who, How, When, What, Why Not?

Club meetings always begin at 15:00 and continue until 17:00. These hours are recognized in distant lands as 3 pm to 5 pm. Around somewhere other than Paris is seldom where meetings are held. Accept no substitutes. Come to the café La Corona. Bring a friend or relative. The guy in the rear of the big room is ze club, or more exactly, the club's secretary.

Attend any meeting – by being at one. Pass a hour or two or a whole meeting with other club members pretty much like yourself. Real 'firsts' are welcome, with 'first' being equivalent to 'true' even if 'real' is likely, and if it is an alternate form of fact with any sort of connection to fiction, like petanque stories. Attending more than one club meeting is not discouraged.

Caution – you may have a personal reason for remaining unfindable via the Web. If so, be sure to inform the club's secretary that you prefer to be '404 – not found' bygraphic: club location map Web search engines before becoming 'found' in one of these literate club reports.

The 'ex–rules' that the club once had continue to be former these days. These rules were total nonsense, even if you can find them. Otherwise you may, in theory, learn that this true club of aimless talk and unlikely stories never institutes new rules because everybody nixed the old ones, which explains why they are obscure.

Talking to other club members at meetings is okay rather than optional. There are always some empty chairs, so sit – wherever you like. Lounging is okay too. Whatever you say will be truly appreciated by the other members present if there are any listening, and sometimes there are but not always – and if it should by astonishing chance be written here.*

*The above paragraphs are relatively unchanged since last week because even though it is winter, the above paragraphs are relatively unchanged since last week.

The café's location is:

Café–Tabac La Corona
2. Rue de l'Amiral de Coligny – or – 30. Quai du Louvre
Paris 1. Métro: Louvre–Rivoli, Pont–Neuf or Châtelet.
Every Thursday, from 15:00 to 17:00.

A bientôt à Paris
signature, regards, ric

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contents to: Ric Erickson, Editor.
Metropole Midi © 2014
– unless stated otherwise.
logo, metropole sml midi logo No matter how good it tastes,
there is no such thing
as a free lunch.
Waldo Bini