...Continued from page 1

But imagine how we would have freaked out if the Wall was still there. Short–cutting through the Tuileries from Concorde to the Louvre and here's this evil, sinister, crazy–looking black U–boat, red freaking star and all! But, hey! We've been dancing in the streets for free since the Wall fell. The Commies ain't going to take us, turn us into robot slaves, make us watch the boring Moscow peace parade every May 1st.

Somebody mentioned that crazy French Wall. It cost a fortune and it didn't work because Heinz Guderian just drove around it like it wasn't there, just like it was made out of old garlic. I don't know the whole history of it, but that Humpty–Dumpty dude fell off the Wall and all the King's horses and the King's men couldn't put him back together again. Walls are a Middle Ages thing. They used to work, sort of, but they don't any more.

Meanwhile the girls who like sailors were having a good time Saturday night with the Reds on shore leave. We don't get many sailors in Paris, but the girls do know what to do. Submariners are cool. The girls go, "Hiya sailor, got any gum?"

The 'Nine–sided Wonder' Café Metropole Club 'Report'

Several members and the club's secretary found themselves together last Thursday for the fourth meet in October. Many members posed for the famous photo. Other members in the picture didn't know it was happening. The global report of this fantastic meeting is online, like clockwords. It was a Nine–sided Wonder of a meeting and the subhead was, "Who Needs Brakes?" – in honor of Alex getting some, for his downside ride over the Alps.

photo, la corona, club's cafeOur modest little clubhouse.

The coming meeting of the Café Metropole Club will be on the first Thursday in November. There is no Saint of the Day on 2. November because it will be the Commemoratio omnium fidelium defunctorum, or the Day of the Dead for short. This day is always on 2. November even if it is a Sunday. Those who weren't all that good when they left, get this day as a catch–up, with a little help from those left behind, in this cruel world.

The infinitely more lively legend of the club is on a singular thing concisely named the About the Club Webpage. Test your logical powers of deduction with very few true facts, much idle speculation, and don't oversee too hard the club's in–focus hand–fashioned membership card before its doom, now impending for the past 18 months.

photo, sign, rue remy dumoncel

This Was Metropole Ten Years Ago

Once immensely popular, this feature has fallen by the wayside after being updated every week for 9 years. It continues its unavailablity this week for historic reasons, partly because Ed is no longer as frisky as a little Bambi. He is, in fact, an ancient, Halloween goat. Baaaa.

Café Life Légère 102.3

Lucy In the Sky With Egyptians

photo, sign, poulet cuit, 5 euro

Today is hardly the anniversary of when Christopher Columbus, writing in his journal, wrote, possibly in his own hand, "I have always read that the world, both land and water, was spherical, as the authority and researches of Ptolemy and all the others who have written on this subject demonstrate and prove, as do the eclipses of the moon and other experiments that are made from east to west, and the elevation of the North Star from north to south." It just goes to show that big thinkers can be just as lost as any Flat–Earth sailor who thought the earth was a cube in a crapshoot.

More Bigger Pataphysics

There are a mere 62 days left of this year, the same number that 1961 had when Nikita Khrushchev gave the go–ahead to test an impossibly large atomic bomb. The Russians decided to go for 50 megatons instead of 100 because they feared busting all the windows in Moscow. They also left off part three so that all the comrades wouldn't get zonked. It was called the Tsar Bomba, in honor of impossibly large things such as the Tsar Kolokol, the Tsar Pushka, and the ultra–heavy Tsar Tank which sank in a swamp in Gorky Park. At the time it was called, "Showing somebody Kuzka's mother" in Russian, which meant it was the biggest blast, ever. The Berlin Wall was built in the same year, as another stunning Kuzka's mother project.

photo, sign, presse

This is totally unconnected to the fact that this year has used up 303 days, the same number that 1894 had when Domenico Melegatti got the first patent for a procedure for making industrial pandoro. This, and its counterpart, panettone, is an Italian sweet yeast bread. Actually it is cake. It is most popular around Christmas and other special occasions, but is eaten all year round by rabid pandoro fiends. Typical pandoro is shaped like a starry fez, or frustum, and can be stuffed to overflowing with zabaglione when it is the true Il Pandoro Veronese.

photo, sign, no problem, neon

It Happened in America

It was tonight in 1938 when War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells was enacted live on CBS radio by the 22 year–old genius about town, Orson Welles. The show, broadcast nationally, was produced with so much flair that many listeners mistook it for the real news of an invasion by Martians. The Halloween broadcast caused some panic and Wells was forced to offer an apology a few days later or end up being tarred and feathered. It could have been called "Listening to Kuzka's mother" if it hadn't happened in America.

A Question of Schleswig–Holstein

In 1864 the world was agog with the implications of the Schleswig–Holstein question. In those days land–grabs were called questions but you shouldn't believe everyone was fooled. In fact it was no less than Lord Palmerston who said, "Only three people understand the Schleswig–Holstein question, and of these, one was dead, the second had gone insane, and the third, myself, has forgotten what it's about." When the dust settled Prussia and Austria had annexed Schleswig–Holstein and then it was Austria's turn two years later.

A bientôt à Paris
signature, regards, ric

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