...Continued from page 1

The coming meeting of the Café Metropole Club will be on the 2nd Thursday in January. The Saint of the Day on 11. January is still unknown at this time. Other than Saint Edmond, I couldn't even find a saint for that Monday in November. My calendar said Saint–Edmond but they have saints to spare but no Saint–Edmond on Wikipedia. What's the matter with them?

Many facts about the club and its legends are sprinkled around a page named the About the Club Webpage. If you have a highly developed grasp of English you won't require much of it to understand some stories, some speculation, and don't overlook overlooking the club's moldy hand–crafted membership card before its update, impending now for the past 35 months.

photo, 19 sardines to tasteSelection of 19 sardines for tasting party.

This Was Metropole Ten Years Ago

This highly popular feature has fallen by the wayside after being updated every flipping week for 9.5 mindboggling years. It continues to be unavailable this week because I'm far from my door this am. After dreaming up a new flimsy excuse–à–week here for the past 15 weeks this is the best I can do. What more to know than Ten Years Later...? again and again.

photo, pay phone, verizon, new york city

Café Life Légère 104.9

Regular readers should ignore the following items because they are unchanged since the last issue sometime in November, except for a couple of days–left mentions. If you are regular reader you can skip to this week's posters or this week's cartoon. Neither of these are wonderful but skipping to them gets you off this page and over your bitterness over the lack of new nonsense here. Unregular readers should read on as if this mention were not here and you haven't read it yet.

photo, fire hydrant, new york city

Widespread Lying

The Quote of the Week has been having hard times but this week we have a splendid one for you, even if it puts you to sleep. For some reason Margaret Atwood once said, possibly wrote, perhaps whistled, "It's a feature of our age that if you write a work of fiction, everyone assumes that the people and events in it are disguised biography – but if you write your biography, it's equally assumed you're lying your head off." Enough is enough. First I'm lying and second this is fiction.

The Wobble–W Corner

There are a mere zero days left of this year, the same number that 270 had when Gaius Valerius Galerius Maximinus was born. He was originally a peasant named Daia, born in the Danubian region of Europe, in the newly reorganised Roman province of Dacia Aureliana. To cut a long story full of Roman names short, our Daia became emperor for exactly 5 years, and the rest is dismal history.

Helio Pataphysics

This is totally unconnected to the fact that this year has used up 365 days, the same number that 1902 had when Henri Desgrange and fellow journalist Géo Lefèvre flew the first helicopter in – no, that was last week's wonderful Pataphysics. This week's two geezers invented the Tour de France bicycle race and made their newspaper famous, sold lots of copies, and popped off so many magnums of Champagne that this drink became famous too. Actually this Henri was very shy. That's what it says here.

photo, combo hoy, super xtasis, $8.50, new york city

Wretched Red Plonk Day

As hard as it might be to believe thatBeaujolais Nouveau was invented, it is nevertheless true. What began as a gimmick to get rid of bathtub wine in 1951 has continued to get rid of bathtub wine with considerable success. You are supposed to drink it all on the third Thursday in November, which this year is on the 16th, but if you can't get rid of it all you can pretend it is rosé and serve it very cold, up until next summer.

What Is In Names

Often forgotten if it were not for Metropole to remind you that John the Duke of Burgundy and Louis of Valois once had a solemn truce that lasted three whole days until John had Louis bumped off. Actually there are too many Jeans in this story for me to provide the details in a manner that any sane person could understand. Suffice to say that after a long time another Louis was king until he lost his head and the French lost their taste for having Louis' for kings.

The Ex–Question of Schleswig–Holstein

In 1912 an emperor was born today and he grew up to become Otto von Habsburg. Austrians as they were then known, were pleased to have a king whose name could be spelled backwards, and the rest is, quite naturally, rather more dismal history. 'Born today' actually means weeks ago, as regular readers are no doubt aware. Whatever your reasons for reading this far, learning accurate birth dates cannot be one of them.

Happy New Year! A bientôt à Paris
signature, regards, ric

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